Family

How could anyone take me serious when I say that family is the most important thing when I hardly communicate with mine? That was a question that popped into my head today while out in the drizzling rain and chilly night. And I actually have an answer for that.
Without getting too personal, I will just say that growing up, I learned what not to do. I learned that I was the black sheep of the family from a very young age. I learned that family meant more to me than to my siblings, cousins, aunt, uncle, and grandparents from the get-go.
It is a sad truth. And I am still the black sheep of the family. Family still means a lot to me. But being "dis-owned" by several family members kind of took its toll on me. Over a fight that my sister did not try to understand my side, she got mad and said I was no longer her sister. Pretty harsh words, huh?
I truly and honestly wish that either 1) my siblings were more loving, thoughtful, caring and considerate or 2) that I had siblings that were all of the above and more. Very, very rarely has my brother and sister shown love towards/for me in my life. And very, extremely rarely have they shown any kind of caring-ness towards anyone without expecting something in return.

It makes me sad. Because while I noticed other girls my age would have older sisters who were protective and loving over their younger sister, I did not have that. Instead, I had a sister who left our home at age 14 to live with my grandmother who provided a little more than my mom could. After my sister left, I did not see much of her. She didn't call to ask how my brother and I were, she did not email, mail, or visit to see if we even existed anymore. She only cared about our grandmother and herself, herself being #1 (and still is to this day).

My brother is no different. Every-single-time my brother has ever contacted me, it has been because he wanted something. Anything he has ever done for me has been for his benefit. No "I-Love-You's" from either.

This is all very hurtful, even writing this. All I wanted was a caring and loving family, but was dealt the exact opposite. Family members intentionally hurting others, pill abuse.


I feel I've gotten too personal. I think I will edit this and post something else.